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My parents have still not returned, however the rioters still haven't entered the suburbs. I managed to find a baseball bat in my sister's side of our closet, so at least I'm not a potential sitting duck. I will leave leave the house when my rations are out, which, considering how much I've been stress eating, could take about two, maybe three days. In the meantime, I'm gonna print some pics of my husbando as I'm gonna need his comfort very soon.

"I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new platform."

"Your new platform?"

The r/atheism user woke up groggy next to his 6 pack of empty Mountain Dew cans. He lifted his 400 pound frame off his bed wondering how many women he’d be able to harass on Xbox Live today when just then he remembered: today was the day. Today was the day he would finally get a chance to debate Christian sheep and slay their god in heaven. Excitedly, he got on his disability scooter and then into his 2007 Toyota Corolla. He drove to the hospital, scoffing every time he saw a crucifix bumper sticker and made sure to situate his fedora before he got out, parking in between two disability slots. When he entered, he got his camera ready, and going up to the third floor he thought “Reddit, the last enlightened place on Earth, will finally give me the attention I deserve and recognize me for my intelligence.” He entered into the room where his grandmother was lying and drawing her last breaths. A priest was standing next to her along with her children and grandchildren, anointing her and hearing her last confessions. “This is it,” he thought, “this is where I own those religiotards and achieve victory for atheism.” He boldly walked right next to his grandmother’s side and just as the priest said “may God bless your soul,” he bravely rebutted with “but there is no god to meet you in heaven. None of it is real. Your sky daddy won’t save you this time.” His grandmother looked on him in shock, opening her mouth. But then she slouched and a long beep was heard and her mouth remained wide open. “Yet another victory for atheism,” he said, looking at his family members who were stricken with faces of horror. “I’m sure they’ve finally realized their God is dead.” He opened Reddit, excited by the prospect of the karma he was going to get by posting the video he took on r/atheism.

We playing Marquess of Queensberry rules?

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Guys, something happened. An angry mob stormed the town, buildings are burning, people have died. My family still hasn't come back. I'm alone in my house, the mob hasn't entered the neighborhood yet. I'm completely defenseless and I've been stress eating junk food for six hours now while watching south park. I'm scared for my life.

i have real, actual swords in my basement.