I think I might be seriously emotionally abusive to my friends and I don't know how to deal with that.
And this isn't code for, "Oh, if we have a falling out, that means I can pin everything on you" like fucking Carmen did, or even "Well, time to delete you from all of my contacts so I don't get abused"

This is code for "I think I have a serious problem, and I don't know what to do about that.
I'm having suicidal thoughts, but I don't know if they're legitimate suicidal thoughts, or if they only exist so that I can say "i'm gonna kill myself" to my friends and read off thier reactions.

i'm broken please god someone help me